Death anxiety

I love sharing my experiences with death anxiety. Death in general is not talked about enough, let alone death anxiety. And through owing it, working through it and sharing it, my healing has inspired and helped others with their death anxiety. 

But there is one part of managing death anxiety that truly sucks. 

Unlike other anxieties, you never fully heal death anxiety. 

Let me explain. 

People that have social anxiety can work to learn and practice coping skills, socialization skills, and practice role playing and exposure therapy to help heal that anxiety (WAY easier said than done, I know). 

I have a phobia of snakes. But if I really wanted to work through that phobia I could work through the fear, educate myself more about snakes, and work my way up to holding snakes. Maybe I work through that fear so well I decide to keep one as a pet (not gonna lie, seeing little ball pythons in hats almost had me wanting a pet snake). 

Those are just a few examples. But when it comes to death anxiety, there is no moment when you have fully worked through it and you no longer have death anxiety. You just learn to accept it while processing the root of the fear. 

But a happy person is always going to have a healthy fear of death. The only people that are comfortable with dying are the people that feel done with their life, whether that be from having suicidal thoughts or being so old and/or sick they are ready to leave this experience and move on to the next one. 

But there lies the challenge: If I am happy, healthy, and looking forward to life I don’t want to die. Therefore I fear death. Therefore the prospect of dying or knowing that eventually I will die, fills me with anxiety. But I can’t control that, so therefore I can only use my coping skills, remember everything I’ve learned and worked through in my healing, and manage the thoughts and feelings that comes with a HEALTHY level of death anxiety. 

“Well fuck Victoria, are you saying there is no hope for me if I have death anxiety?” 

That’s not what I’m saying. There is absolutely hope. When I think back to where I was in my 20s, I was having full on anxiety attacks, crying and panting in the middle of the night. I use to dread closing my eyes for sleep because what if I didn’t wake up? What if I died in my sleep? What if deep sleep was the closest thing I had to experiencing death? What comes right after death? Oh my god one day I’m going to close my eyes and they are not going to open again! Will I be in a hospital bed expecting it? Will I be in my bed getting ready for sleep? 

It would go on and on and on. 

Those nights don’t happen anymore. Those nights are long behind me. 

yes, I have some nights when an anxious thought comes into my mind. But instead of shooing it away or allowing it to spiral, I can acknowledge what it is, feel the feelings, and then let it go. 

And that’s what I mean when I say it’s a challenge with death anxiety. It never goes away but we can change how we see it. 

I no longer see death as an enemy, barging in to steal my life. But I can acknowledge that if death would come visit me now, it would be an unwelcome guest that I didn't plan for and dont want to come over because my house is a mess and unfinished and I have errands and trips to take. I still have a lot to do so I don’t want to stop all of that for an unwelcome guest. 

But I believe that when the day comes that I open my door and death is there asking to come in, I’ll be glad to let it in because my house will be clean and ready, I’ll have snacks and drinks, and nowhere to go. I’ll be done and prepared for death, so I’ll welcome it in and offer it a drink.

But until then, Death, please don’t come over lol. 

This blog was originally published on 10/07/2024. © (Victoria Prather, LLC)  2024- present